I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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