even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
