it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
