Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
