I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
