then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
