Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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