Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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