i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
