So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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