Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
