you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
how drunk are you?
Several
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
