I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
