He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
