You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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