I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
