I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
