I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
