About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
