So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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