she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
