i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
