Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
