I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
