i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
