Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
