i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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