After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
