If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
