I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
its not stalking. its research.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
