but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
