i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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