For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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