I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
