oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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