my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Less talking, more tequila
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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