your thong is hanging out like whoa
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We had sex on a dog bed..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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