just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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