That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
