how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
