It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
