Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
