So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
