I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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