was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
