First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
