opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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