Duck Duck Cougar?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
