my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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