she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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