Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
