I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
