New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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