I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
