I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
